80. through words

Although not much happened today nor did I do much day has presented me with so many things, things to be grateful about. Firstly, time to rest and be alone. Then writings, poems and songs. A few touches of kind hearts and sharing of people´s difficulties.

Then also a prospect of more work to be done, at time which originally I planned for something else, rest above all. But at times, request of my presence is simply an acknowledment of my heart yearning to serve and at times a simple readiness is just but enough. Either way, I am grateful for it, for trust that I may find a solution to challenges presented and tasks asked for me.

And then, for insights and for the strength to see the difference of what I need to do and what it is not mine to bother about. And ability to say it and stay with it. I am grateful for much today and grateful for being able to see it and find inspiration and solace in it.

79. of butterflies

So, after a little pause I may be able to pick up on writing my moments of pose and gratitude of the day. But to start with, I will be summing up the whole last week as it contained many of the issues that got to me in last year and was one of the hardest week of the year so far, in my inner world of thoughts and feelings.

My gratitude in this past week goes to few wonderful people I met, some of them for first time, some more then that, but all warming my heart by their gentle ways and words or actions that comfirmed some of my own thoughts and feelings. They even and surpass meeting the people that did exactly the oposite. But, to them too I am grateful, as they brought some other lessons and new insights and understandings to my life.

I´d have to say that right there gratitude owe to be given to my wonderful family for all their tolerance, love and help, for meeting those close to me I do care for and for voice of my father whose cheer is enough to cheer me.

And then, my gratitude goes to a butterfly. I believe on tuesday last week it appeared in my life, flattering through the kitchen at my work, a very chaotic kitchen I entered in a rather chaotic space overall, in a day that for so many reasons felt difficult and demanding. Just a look at that butterfly somehow made me smile, relax and feel happier and at peace. It felt as if hand of God had touched my heart to bring assurance of his presence and support. And that butterfly kept staying around for the rest of the week and every meeting of him made me think of those I love and care and of presence of their love in my life, of gentle and firm presence of my God. This butterfly could have been outside, enjoying the sun and flowers and food and friendship of other butterflies, but instead he stayed inside and kept making my day and my week not only bareble but also mindfull and supported. I am still in awe of this butterfly and really grateful for it´s presence.

I think that should be it for now. Good night, good world.

78. Days inside

Well, then. I´ve had a few days without writing something. Partly, I have been too tired, partly there was something inside me, a kind of grief that has overtaken me. It is hard in such a state to be present to anything else but state of pain and confusion and not the easiest time to formulate moments of gratitude, touch and mindfulness.

But, there were such moments. There was a moment my son and I came out of the store and it started raining and we run through the rain and got wet and that made us laugh and touch of rain made me somewhat more present to the here and now. There was a pot of fresh sage I got in a present and I do like sage and not so long ago I thought that of presents, a pot of herbs is really amongst top ones on the list. The rain again, partly for matching my own inner world, also for opening doors within and of course for moving the state of standing tension in the air into something moving and refreshing.

A hand of God in myriad of small things and movements that all tried to move things my way and cheer me up, although at that moment I haven´t recognized them they did move me and that is how I am able to be back in writing today and here.

A good night reading for my kids, finally big enough for Harry Potter time, in English of course. Sometimes, inner work takes time and it ain´t pretty a picture. Nor it is a light time to walk. So, I will give it it´s time and try to be present through it here as much as that works. But, for tonight, for the rain and moment of presence, thank you. And, good night, good world.

77. beauty

Beauty has power to unlock our soul, to move it, to touch it, to sooth it. That really does work. Today I was touched by many small beauties, one of the most touching being a bowl of whild strawberries my kids picked that smelled and tasted like a heaven.

76. past writings

As so many days before I thought today I really did not have anything to say that would be important or special to notify in this day. Then, while working on something I ended up reading things I wrote in past years, just few different writings and I ended up realizing they helped me in more then one way.

A drops of wisdom from days past, sharing of things I´d forgotten, and few wordings and moments and things of beauty, a touch. I felt such need for some beauty and touch and magic last days and need for being in the touch myself with my life and life around me and reading from the moments where such things were present does have a power to inject such spirit in me.

I guess we all may have different ways to it, to get the drop of beauty, of inspiration, at times more then one. Tonight I discovered one more, my own past writings and I am greateful for having taken time in past to write those things down, for creating a space and place to write it and for daring to do so, however imperfect my wordings and writings are. I am greateful for my past and for my past me writing this for my future self, to remind me, to refresh me, to touch me, to inspire me, to comfort me, at times when I may need it, may feel alone or out of touch. Greateful for those who inspired me to get back to writing too. It really was worth.

Thank you. And, good night, good world.

75. blue

Blueberries and blue colour of a evening sky. Kids were out in the forest with the neighbour and came back with a bag of blueberries. Upon returning they went to the kitchen and made a milkshake for everyone with them. During their walk I was at work shortly and coming back home I was taken by that special blue colour of the sky when sun is setting and sky is somewhat of a touch of purple and grey, just a bit like blueberries really.

74. Hearts

Few children were today drawing with chalk outside our door and on the street, making colourful circles and rather few large hearts, about car size I would say, that are visible from our window. It takes a bit of a skill to draw a nicely formed heart of such proportions and together with all the colour it was such a pleasant thing to be greated with when we arrived home this evening. A happy touch. It went on the shelf of things to remember and keep to warm my own heart with, together with a great banana ice cream my husband made and time with my kids. Hearts really, all of it.