13. Sleep

I guess it is at times when body needs rest, sleep and warmth that I realize the value of sleep. It is something we all do daily, something that takes a good portion of our life and it needs to do so in order for us to function well, but it is on account of that ordinary placement that I forget to be grateful for it´s existance at times.

On account of me feeling sick, I slept today during the day and felt, even if just slightly, better. I also dreamt, another regular event I am thankful for as it enriches my life in many ways. Tonight I dreamt of being at work and rather effective work it was, something that in this state of my body I really could only do in a dream.

So, today, it is sleep and dreams I am thankful for and I chose to notice and give a moment of reflection to. Thank you. And, good night, good world.

12.Sickness

I feel sick today. Whatever treasure can a day of sickness bring, I wondered? I have pain everywhere and feel real weak. But then, there were few things...

Some years ago I watched few episodes of series I could not remember the name of, nor did I knew the name of the actress and somehow, laying down, I remembered it today and typed in the google search what I could remember of the series, few words description: series about female professor who is also a relic hunter. It was not more complicated then that - relic hunter. Simplicity of things, posing for a moment and focusing, that may be all we need at times. And time and oportunity for it may just arrive in the midst of a sickness. For this insight I was thankful.

Then, I was reminded of the song - The answer is blowin in the wind, and it brought light smile to my face and moment of deep contemplation over world and us humans and our choices. A gift of a song and a gift of a spirit that song delivers. I was born some years after Dylan and Baez became famous, but their tapes were in the house when I grew up and they touched me. Grateful for that spirit, for gift and reminder of a song.

And the song reminded me of mother Teresa and her work, but particularly of a fact that she wrote letters to a confessioner and friend in which she admited moments of difficulty and struggle, of doubt, of being bogged down with things she faced. She has been a beacon for many, inspiration for more then a few, but for many years I did not much pose to wonder where and how she reopened the source of her own strength and inspiration, or how she walked through the days of darkness, keeping on toward the next moment of light and air of goodness. Somehow, I must have believed that light has been her ever presence, some superhuman goodness residing in her heart and guiding her vision. Fact is, she was simply more ready to be used for goodness, more willing and more wishing and more hoping then we at times chose to be. Somewhere she decided to surrended to a trial to walk such path, but decision and endeavour did not remove thorns or shadows from it, rather, they placed candles along the dark hallways and granted moments of spring. For this insights that dropped by my own life today I am ever so grateful and pray they remain my treasure.

11. Baking

Today things kept falling out of my hands, things ment to be there were missing and so it went. I apologized for things I had not really wronged and few I could have done better. Whatever we may all think of taking lower ground, it can be beneficial, taking a step away and simply bowing down, leaving the rest to some higher powers.

But a thing that really made me feel grateful today was this afternoon when I ended up baking. Filling numerous forms with the cup-cakes batter is a calming process too, repeated movement with focus and patience. Most likely just what I needed. What to speak of the very fact that I had all those ingredients coming from all sides of the world, cocoa powder, strawberies, bananas.Things many of us nowdays take for granted to find whenever we need them, at any time of the day or year. Not exactly everyone has that luxoury however, but I do forget, forget to see it as a thing worth being grateful for.

 At the end there were some croissants there too and a portion of a pizza dough. Some time spent with family as all boys dropped in to help a bit. However tired and sick I felt today, somehow I felt encouraged, rested and revitalized during the baking that really felt like a good meditation time. So, I am grateful, for many small moments of this day and for the baking evening, with hands full of grace.

10. daily bread

At the end of the day I was not sure what was there to be thankful for. It was not a particularly eventful or cool day. And in that thought I realized that there were many things to thank for, small everyday things, daily bread. It was a sunny and pleasant day. I got to do few things that needed to be done. I got to rest a bit and hear my son play. I had a roof over my head, food on the table. And as my son said for that short hour when electricity was off, sun was shining to give us light instead, what more could one ask for. There were books to read, beauty to remember, family to talk to, moment to pose and chance to reconsider what one planned to do, adapt, slow down. Suddenly, there was a whole lot to be thankful for and hope that those small things may be a norm for majority of people in the future, along with the awareness of the grace and beauty, a friendship of the universe and touch of it in our daily life. So, thank you, for our daily bread.

9. difficulties

I rarely get so worried or stressed that I cannot sleep, even less often does worry of some kind wake me up in the night. Last night I however woke up few times with some nagging, although not fully identified worries and uneasiness. At times world can be seen in beauty and flowers, at times there is draught and darkness and it was some kind of visiting to this less pleasant side that roamed in my subconscious keeping me in its grip. On top of it, I am also sick and feverish a bit, pain in the body, throat, headache.

I cannot say I had a bad day however. Company was in small doses but steadily, good one. I´ve done a few things that I planned although perhaps there is few left. But, days main colour really was, perhaps befitting a rainy day, one of difficulties and slight struggle, warnings and concerns. And as that is what presented itself consistently this day, I am greateful for it. It may bring me rest and some new insights or perhaps simply an experience and cause to think. Either way, I appreaciate it and I notify it.

8. sharing

I spoke with a young woman for few hours. She is a young coworker of mine and I really like and appreaciate her. She had somewhat bad day I guess and I reacted on something she said about herself, which triggered the talk. That talk made me think, made me look back and at present and somehow words both of comfort, but also some wisdom and plain knowledge and experience found their way. And it made me appreaciate her even more.

So I am grateful for a moment of a talk, for a connection, for chance to offer comfort, for chance to share my experience and pass some knowledge further, as well as for that knowledge and experiences to be there and find their way to the surrface when needed. For realization of wonders  that are around us and avaliable to us, in people, events and experiences.

Opportunity to share and teach others is also a way to keep us fresh with the wisdom and giving grace to what we are receiving. It was also a reminder that I am not, nor I was, alone in my experiences of struggle, loneliness or doubt and that at those times we do need a tengible support, however small, an asnwer to gently push us in the right direction. I am grateful for all of it.

7. circus

I went to the circus with my family yesterday evening. I used to like circus, but I have a bit difficulty with the idea of people doing risky things without really having a purpose to it. So, I had to work a bit on it and that is when it striked me, an insight.

I came to think that in my life I too live in the circus, and I too excersize many of those skills, just that my focus and training is on somewhat subtler issues of my character and path of the soul. But in there, I too at times hang on a rope, climb into hights, play on the line, wondering perhaps or making others wonder if I am going to fall. Juggling with balls of issues given me in this life, trying not to loose the pose and concentration, trying to learn the right movements that would make them stay as they should. And I at times train or wrestle animals inside me or weather changes around me. And at times I play and laugh and eat popcorn and have good time and feel like having a person or two to talk to and trust a bit. And to all of this there is a background of various sounds and a flute that calls me home when the lights finally turn off and last cleaning is done.

For that insight, for time with my family and for a real cool performance of jugglers in this circus I am grateful today.

6. tears

Well, firstly, we got a new stove so I can finally bake again. I am so very happy and grateful for it.

Rest of the day consisted of mostly tears, in different degrees and variaty of ways. Although in a way difficult and feeling rather cloudy, moment of tears, especially those tears connected with existential issues of my very being that moment is also a process of purging and a process of approaching insights of facts such that signify growth, or letting go of things or believes that are not very useful or simply practical any more. Difficulty is of course of remaining watchful, observant, feeling, hearing and allowing things to fall in place without falling totally out of place oneself. So, it is for tears I am grateful, for the process they bring, and for somewhat staying in one piece through it this day.

And thankful for a promise of a new day and a freshly baked bread in the new oven. Oven is right now being "baked" so that left over oils of production will evaporate. It smells unpleasant, it is slightly cloudy and choking in here, quite alike my tearful day. After it is baked it will be ready for use, for some time at least. Eventually it will need maintenance, cleaning and fixes. Rather alike days that await me and my own postburning times. Such a matching occurance in our lives today, stoves and mine. I look forward to taste new breads to come.

5. Connections

Today was filled with stories of connections and touches, of world´s interconnectedness, of cause and effects, links between things, from small thoughts to manifested events, different serendipities of life. Such reminders that however small we are part of something bigger and often so wonderful, although at times difficult to see and understand when distances are a bit bigger then we can easily comprehand. Such reminders are worth gratitude and inspire hope that they can become our daily awareness and guidance.

4. Children

I had been working with children today. Their enthusiasm, eagerness to please and do right and their simple readiness to explore and learn were all impressive. Also their readiness to share, cooperate, look after each other. Above all was I taken by their sincerity. There is so much in children and their ways that when we are open enough to be present to their activities and ways we too can learn to be open, enthusiastic, present and observant, playfull and sincere, devoted to whatever we do and ready to learn and grow. I am grateful for those wonderful hours and wonderful souls, for reminder and inspiration they have given me and their kind association.

3. Rain

Throught the day I kept thinking of rain. It was in many ways a difficult day, although I have accomplished few things that waited to be done for some time now. So, I am grateful for inspiration, time and energy that were there for me to do those things. But with the difficulties presented I kept going back to the rain, as something known, something dear and close, as a point of stability. So, I am grateful for the rain, for the day however gray and watery, also felt protective and reassuring.

And I am, although not yet knowing fully why, thankful for the difficulties I encountered. I trust with the days to come I will learn what was in those difficulties to learn from, what was there to mold me, cut out what is not needed and wanted, and strech me so I would fly efortlessly when time for it comes. And thus, I am too thankful for the future lessons and their seeds presented to me in this day.

2. Tai Chi

Yesterday morning a day started with me looking through an old video about Tai Chi Qi Gong. It was over 10 years since I played with it and at times I wished to start again. Music alone was like a heavenly touch that seemed to colour the whole day ahead. But, that was not the end of it.

In the afternoon I visited a friend and had more then a great time in her company. However, she is also trained Tai Chi instructor and we few times spoke about doing the excersizes together. I actually do not remember what caused that sudden impulse yesterday, but soon after it was mentioned we ended up going through those 18 movements I learned years ago.

Few movements through and I had that slightly silly smile on my face and certainly in my heart. That kind of a smile my previous instructor, Katrin, used to remind us to keep on. My heart was happy and felt so home. I felt I could fly and dance at that moment, forever.

Remembering and even more doing the things that make us happy may seem as an obvious and easy thing to do, but at times I forget, things slip through my fingers, eaten by other time and mind consumers. To both remember and experience one such moment yesterday, to feel submerged and washed with joy for those few moments yesterday was a great experience worth remembering, worth thanking for and rejoicing in.

Add to it few but precious moments with my family, beautiful time with a friend, few touches of sunrays and chirping of the birds at sunset that my friend called me out to the balcony to listen to, it was a day filled with droplets worthy of gratitude, of awareness of the wonder in the world around us. And worth respect that they, despite so much that can and does go wrong and is heavy in that same world, respect that they, those small and beautiful things, find their way and their peace to be present like small guardians on our life path.

1. Light green bird

I have been sitting shortly in the temple office, just a hand reach from the window, when a bird came and stood just on the other side. Very beautiful light green bird. A touch of spring perhaps. Few mornings ago I heard all geese down by the lake. It is such a charming time, mornings, with sounds and colours and smells like no other and it is great to have a chance to actually be aware of all those small things and moments and notice and be noticed (like being observed by a light green bird). Mornings and sunsets have always been my favorite times.