silvery lines of snow

Ah! I have been taken by a moment of creative beauty just outside my window. It looked like wind started to spin sllver treads on the cloth of the night while turning (this autumn´s first) snow flakes into some kind of rainy lines. In front of my eyes really it was dancing silver. (horizontal line in the pic is the edge of the side-walk)

zucchini pasta

“It's kind of fun to do the impossible.”, said W. Disney. Well, I have been kind of thinking about it today. It was a perfect fast food day. I wanted to do more things then there is minutes in an hour and wasn´t very sure it was possible. But, at times one gets a bit wind in the back, or under the wings, if you know what I mean. Sometimes, kids just decide they too want to be neat and not add to workload of what you need to make look as if it is some kind of a pleasant order. Then, we got a drive home, which saved me an hour.

 And lunch, yes, fast food! It sounded like a challenge to "only a banana and a cup of milk after twelve before going out" me. For, it was also ekadasi, so fast food could not be a "fast whatever sandwich". Looking in the fridge I discovered few more not so very ripe but home grown tomatoes still left from few days ago, given to my husband by his (proud to present surely in this summer of water) work colegue. And a bit of curly parsley with it, rather nice really. And a one left courgette given to me by my neighbour friend some time ago. And there it was, a beautiful oportunity to try what I wanted to do for some time now, courgette pasta (stripes of courgette that is). It took less then 15 minutes to have a great dish to offer and enjoy myself soon after. Sure, I may have been a touch generous on chilli, my son loved it but could not eat too much, I loved it, but I like chilli.

 I also got to listen to Sacinandana Maharaj talking about Panca Tattva, almost nothing can be better, while creating that order out of disorder. And, I am almost done. Last break and last half an hour to do and I can sleap taken by a surprise of a day that went "my way". It is kind of difficult to start things we do not like to do or things that simply look impossible, things that scare us, feel way too tiring and demanding, impossible to menage in the time given... But, once we start it and make it as likable as possible and keep moving, it gets eventually easier, we get to experience that things are moving in the right direction and with a few breaks to rest and chear up, reevaluate, it moves and happens and it can make you feel, when you finally sit at the top of the mountain looking at that beautiful and unforgatable sunset, as if it is fun to do the impossible.

99. loving hand

Today things did not work as expected, but it was at the end all for good it would appear. I may have needed some time on my own and time with my God. That it was all crowened with a beautiful hour of kirtan in a pleasant company, the best I could desire I guess, it made the day. And while I sat in song I realized that I at times forget all those small moments when I was given so my cup was full of joy and peace and when I knew I was loved and cared for. And I need to remember, I need to write my book full of knowledge of it, for times I claim lack of them so I can prove myself wrong and be at peace in hope of yet another such time, when it is right and needed and meant to be there. For today, for presents in it and turns arranged by hand invisible but loving, I am grateful tonight. Thank you.

97. smile

This morning while walking home I was met by the smell of apples, that I could not localize, and a smile of an unknown woman. The only thing I could tell you about her is she had a silver cross on the chain. Which made me think that while I last days walked the streets of this small city rather many people greeted me and I now wondered if this is the usual fact of people thinking me familiar (it happens) but not knowing me, am I forgetting people I should know or have I simply spent too long time on the streets of big city last year whilst here people are still old fashioned and feel kinship with people they share street with and greet them. Of course I returned all greetings, but I did not originate them as surely in the big city I do not expect to greet anyone unless they stand in front of me and call my name. When does a group of people turn into fellowship? What does determine such feeling, is it the street you walk, experiences you share, knowledge, title, profession, interest, heart? Perhaps, a smile toward another human being does not require a cause. So, I smile today. 

96. sunrays and milk

I am throwing in here a few things that made me present to the moment, touched, inspired and grateful. Two mornings ago I woke up relatively early and my eyes met the beautiful pinkish red colour of the sunrays reflecting on the wall of our living room, raising sun, it´s warmth, inspiration of another day. Today, I woke up a bit later, thus meeting the golden rays of already awaken sun, but just as beautiful and inspiring.

Another thing so worth keeping here is a taste of milk. After picking up kids at school I needed a small energy boost and took a glass of milk and it tasted revitalizing and comforting at the same time. I always liked milk. I could drink a whole half litar package when I was a kid, and I got to. But at times I simply drink it as I am thirsty or in need of some fast food. Yesterday I stopped with a taste and feeling of it, I remembered how good a simple glass of milk can be. And I am thankful for it.

95. rainbows simply

As car turned into our street I noticed a stripe of a rainbow on my right and looking closer I have seen it go all the way, followed by the second stripe amongst the clouds. And as we rounded the corner again, just above the neighbours house and then our there they were, again, two stripes of a rainbow. Simply a smile of a day. Thank you.

94. violin players

One of the delights of the day was my mother in law playing a violin while I prepared lunch. Listening to music that touches heart is always great, but I had my very own personal happy musician to keep me company and poor happiness of my heart into our plates afterwards. We had rather good time this last days.

And as I was a bit out of writing lately I will add here another event from few days ago, a wedding at which my mother in law was a priest. Groom, a violin teacher, being a friend of my husband, we were there too. I was still feeling somewhat week and eventually went out with children to the grass outside the couple´s home so they could run without turning the place upside down. Just before we were leaving the groom came out with peaches and gave me one and thanked for coming. I ate just before arriving there and most of the food there wasn´t really for me or my family, but peaches, given with such gratitude and care, them taking time for this small personal touch in a day as important as wedding is, I was more then touched and thankful, inspired really, finding myself thought and worth taking note of it.

93. a sweet plate

Today me and kids were watching Junior Masterchef and suddenly there was a masterwork happening in our own kitchen and it all happened in just an hour and it tasted right good. That was a little bit of a miracle of today, a smile and a gift of giving. For I named it a Celebration of Today, as in "here and now and giving it our best". It was fun and uplifting. Gratitude those to the inspirational children, my own children, all the great ingredients, some of which I got from a great Iranian friend of mine who supplied me amongst other things with saffron sugar and simply to the day, to the inspiration of a moment and ability to follow it and smile. Thank you.

92. injustice

I never thought I would be really saying this, feeling this, but life is full of surprises. I do owe my gratitude to all the injustice that is out there in the world that I have witnessed and have been aware of and I owe special gratitude to injustice, that I in time perceived as such, toward myself. I owe my gratitude to those who committed this injustice and to one whose hand placed me in such circumstances.

This is not to say injustice in itself is a good thing, nor any sorrows and difficulties we are presented in life, particularly when we experience them. At that time this insight is often very difficult and very far away. So, this is also not to say that I will stay aware of this gratitude and will not forget it at times to come or that all my perception of injustice or hurt is about to vanish to be replaced forever with such noble thoughts.

But I am to hope however, that with every new injustice there will also be, if but a tiny less dash of heaviness of it and a movement toward this insight of lightness, movement toward insight of gratitude, of purpose, of grace, of beauty in having witnessed the darkness so I could choose what I wish to be, so I could learn, not only to have heard the knowledge but so that I had that knowledge experienced, gratitude and forgivness experienced, till it becomes one with my being and becomes the wisdom.

91. an hour

I realized today that I am still not feeling well, that things are falling out of my hands and I am very unfocused, dizzy and tired. I had to collect myself somehow and I decided to give an hour to myself, not just of half reading half sleeping or simply moving around the day kind of thing, but something that would move my heart the right way. So, I went for, yeah, Rumi. I found some collection of writings spoken on Youtube that I haven´t much heard before and I was hooked. Teamed with a bit of drawing and I felt, if but a bit, better. One of the things I heard that stayed with me was saying that if you are alone and without those that speak your language you will become like dumb. It is a bit like a flower without a sun. Anyhow, I felt what he said and it felt as if finding someone speaking my language. I guess, we all need language, our language of the heart to feel content. And the ultimate song of the soul is always a great touch to learn the proper language and align with to our freedom.

90. remembered

I felt remembered today when a young co-worker of mine came over with some cookies and drink from a yesterday´s festival, both by her and the one whose birthday it was. And I was touched and I smiled. Grateful to them both.

89. rest

I have been wondering what was it in the yesterday I could thank for. Despite the fact it was a big festival day I decided to stay at home, take it somewhat easy, be with the family and with myself. I decided not to push myself nor to do what could have been an expected thing, but simply listen to myself and give myself rest and time away from people. I needed that. So, I think my primary gratitude goes to my own decision to follow my needs and adapt the day to myself, instead of the other day around. I do not feel bad about it, I feel it was right thing to do. I have done my best for that day. To that insight I give my gratitude. And give thanks for all the blessings of life that ever were there.

88. smiles

I had a dream of a beautiful smile tonight. And I had an inspiring long talk with few ladies at work. There is a shadow gripping my heart too, shadow of things to come, both good and bad. Placing it all at the feet of my Lord tonight I am thankful for everything given and hope to make good use of it and serve it well, with gratitude and respect.

87. small good things

I had to go for a check up this morning and it all turned out surprizingly well. First great thing was that after long time of having to deal with somewhat strange doctors in the past years this one was just great, present, interested, calm and he menaged to get even my husband at peace. Ok, I´ll have to do more check ups, but that was to be expected and it should be good. I must add that even people that came over with the emergency yesterday turned out to be nice, at least the lady there, particularly as she allowed me to stay at home. Indeed, I´d say day has been generous with small seeds of good things to come and for that all I am grateful. I am still tired and not really up and going, but even for that rest I am thankful.

86. life

My son and me ended up again running in the rain. It is something charming in being touched by a summer rain. We picked flowers. And on the way home from my work both of my children touched me by their simple and open appreaciation of life. Water was running down the wall where we parked the car and created a small waterfall. They put their hands onto it and called me over and laughed. And then, one of them barfoot, we walked toward home and they noticed small, tiny frogs jumping around. I lifted my had from all that water and jumping of life and my eyes stopped at one of the garage walls and there was a big red heart on it. Life. There is life happening around us, every moment, in all its forms, in rain, in waters running, in small touches, surprises, glimpses, in laughter and in tears. Thank you for letting me notice it. Thank you for the gift of life. May we use it well.

85. morning

I am still taken by listening to those 4 agreements and in want of more. Today I walked out in the early Sunday morning, that was quiet and peaceful. Morning rays of sun and light wind preparing the world for a new day. Somewhat crisp air of a day that was not yet heated by the summer´s warmth, but pleasant. A touch of nature, of belonging, of my heart feeling the world and finding a drop of joy. Thank you for the day.

84. way to joy

Today two great things happened after I cooked lunch at work. I took a walk with my son and we took photos of flowers around the place and had real good time. Also, he made very happy and lovely drawings for me, one with a flower and a butterfly and a bee and an ant and a catterpilar and a spider and a fly and sunshine and grass. Real cool. For those moments and expressions of beauty and happiness I am grateful.

Then, someone I know posted a quote that caught my attention which made me look closer at the man behind it and I ended up listening to one of his books on Youtube. I love reading, but at times listening is just a great option. And I was taken by what I heard so very deeply, as if there was an echo of my own life and heart. I haven´t yet heard it all, it is some hours of listening I´d say, but here is in short, the 4 agreements: Be impecable with your word, Do not take anything personal, Do not make assumptions and Do your best. Shamanic drops of wisdom that made my day. I certainly agree to do my best trying to keep to them in my life. And thus my gratitude goes to author of the book Don Ruiz, to one that posted the book on Youtube and above all to a friend who posted the quote and made me listen. Thank you. May happiness be returned.

83. family

Well, my biggest gratitude today goes to my husband. He took to finding my allergy medicine today without which I suffered for last two weeks as shelfs in the store stood empty. He found out another place, not so far away that had it and brought it home to me. And, he drove my friends to aerport and drove me to the work and back. May seem a normal thing to you, but I think it is important to notice those close to us who actually daily do things for us, out of care, concern, love and desire to be of help and service to us. It is so easy to miss it, forget it or fall into a habbit of simply expecting it and taking it for granted.

Just like that batterfly last week could have been outside in the sun, so could my family and people close to me and dear to me be doing other things that are attractive and important to them and ignore things that may be useful, helpful, important or gladening for me. When they choose me over them, I owe to notice it and give thanks. Daily. I may not write much about it, but I wished to make sure that at least once I point that out on my daily gratitude writing and hope to still give it thanks in real day to day life. Those things and those people do matter. I am deeply indepted and grateful to them.

82. a fine day

Today was mostly in cherishing the gifts of yesterday. I got a heavy headache this afternoon which was time I had to do some work and talk to people and be present, which combined can at times be difficult. But I made it through and for that I am thankful. Also, I got a short massage of my head on account of it, so that too was good. But, as I still have a headache, I will simply say, day was fine and much good was in it and I am grateful I may leave it all for today and slowly enter the world of sleep.

81. time to honor gifts

I read today some 128 or so pages of a Little Black Book of Robin Sharma, on success. I liked it, for the biggest part. I prenumerate on his newsletter and I got a link in my mail so I did two things with it, I read it and I shared it. I hope that is a way to give thanks to any gift, using it, honoring the given and sharing it, whenever possible. For, I am grateful for that gift.

I read some few other interesting things, inspiring story and was touched by few dear persons today. For that too I am grateful.

I made rakhis (bracelets) today. For tomorrow is a day of rakhi bandan, the tying of the thread. This is first time I actually took proper time for it. We make time for things we like and wish to focus on. So, today, I made time to read that booklet of Robin Sharma and to get material and then take time to make few rakhis for my brothers. I am grateful for inspiration, for focus and for making the time out from what at times may appear as no time. It feels like a small success in a big day. For that I am thankful. Brothers and in general people we love and care for, people that are there in our lives, they are gifts to us from life itself and they deserve time to be made for honoring such gift.

80. through words

Although not much happened today nor did I do much day has presented me with so many things, things to be grateful about. Firstly, time to rest and be alone. Then writings, poems and songs. A few touches of kind hearts and sharing of people´s difficulties.

Then also a prospect of more work to be done, at time which originally I planned for something else, rest above all. But at times, request of my presence is simply an acknowledment of my heart yearning to serve and at times a simple readiness is just but enough. Either way, I am grateful for it, for trust that I may find a solution to challenges presented and tasks asked for me.

And then, for insights and for the strength to see the difference of what I need to do and what it is not mine to bother about. And ability to say it and stay with it. I am grateful for much today and grateful for being able to see it and find inspiration and solace in it.

79. of butterflies

So, after a little pause I may be able to pick up on writing my moments of pose and gratitude of the day. But to start with, I will be summing up the whole last week as it contained many of the issues that got to me in last year and was one of the hardest week of the year so far, in my inner world of thoughts and feelings.

My gratitude in this past week goes to few wonderful people I met, some of them for first time, some more then that, but all warming my heart by their gentle ways and words or actions that comfirmed some of my own thoughts and feelings. They even and surpass meeting the people that did exactly the oposite. But, to them too I am grateful, as they brought some other lessons and new insights and understandings to my life.

I´d have to say that right there gratitude owe to be given to my wonderful family for all their tolerance, love and help, for meeting those close to me I do care for and for voice of my father whose cheer is enough to cheer me.

And then, my gratitude goes to a butterfly. I believe on tuesday last week it appeared in my life, flattering through the kitchen at my work, a very chaotic kitchen I entered in a rather chaotic space overall, in a day that for so many reasons felt difficult and demanding. Just a look at that butterfly somehow made me smile, relax and feel happier and at peace. It felt as if hand of God had touched my heart to bring assurance of his presence and support. And that butterfly kept staying around for the rest of the week and every meeting of him made me think of those I love and care and of presence of their love in my life, of gentle and firm presence of my God. This butterfly could have been outside, enjoying the sun and flowers and food and friendship of other butterflies, but instead he stayed inside and kept making my day and my week not only bareble but also mindfull and supported. I am still in awe of this butterfly and really grateful for it´s presence.

I think that should be it for now. Good night, good world.

78. Days inside

Well, then. I´ve had a few days without writing something. Partly, I have been too tired, partly there was something inside me, a kind of grief that has overtaken me. It is hard in such a state to be present to anything else but state of pain and confusion and not the easiest time to formulate moments of gratitude, touch and mindfulness.

But, there were such moments. There was a moment my son and I came out of the store and it started raining and we run through the rain and got wet and that made us laugh and touch of rain made me somewhat more present to the here and now. There was a pot of fresh sage I got in a present and I do like sage and not so long ago I thought that of presents, a pot of herbs is really amongst top ones on the list. The rain again, partly for matching my own inner world, also for opening doors within and of course for moving the state of standing tension in the air into something moving and refreshing.

A hand of God in myriad of small things and movements that all tried to move things my way and cheer me up, although at that moment I haven´t recognized them they did move me and that is how I am able to be back in writing today and here.

A good night reading for my kids, finally big enough for Harry Potter time, in English of course. Sometimes, inner work takes time and it ain´t pretty a picture. Nor it is a light time to walk. So, I will give it it´s time and try to be present through it here as much as that works. But, for tonight, for the rain and moment of presence, thank you. And, good night, good world.

77. beauty

Beauty has power to unlock our soul, to move it, to touch it, to sooth it. That really does work. Today I was touched by many small beauties, one of the most touching being a bowl of whild strawberries my kids picked that smelled and tasted like a heaven.

76. past writings

As so many days before I thought today I really did not have anything to say that would be important or special to notify in this day. Then, while working on something I ended up reading things I wrote in past years, just few different writings and I ended up realizing they helped me in more then one way.

A drops of wisdom from days past, sharing of things I´d forgotten, and few wordings and moments and things of beauty, a touch. I felt such need for some beauty and touch and magic last days and need for being in the touch myself with my life and life around me and reading from the moments where such things were present does have a power to inject such spirit in me.

I guess we all may have different ways to it, to get the drop of beauty, of inspiration, at times more then one. Tonight I discovered one more, my own past writings and I am greateful for having taken time in past to write those things down, for creating a space and place to write it and for daring to do so, however imperfect my wordings and writings are. I am greateful for my past and for my past me writing this for my future self, to remind me, to refresh me, to touch me, to inspire me, to comfort me, at times when I may need it, may feel alone or out of touch. Greateful for those who inspired me to get back to writing too. It really was worth.

Thank you. And, good night, good world.

75. blue

Blueberries and blue colour of a evening sky. Kids were out in the forest with the neighbour and came back with a bag of blueberries. Upon returning they went to the kitchen and made a milkshake for everyone with them. During their walk I was at work shortly and coming back home I was taken by that special blue colour of the sky when sun is setting and sky is somewhat of a touch of purple and grey, just a bit like blueberries really.

74. Hearts

Few children were today drawing with chalk outside our door and on the street, making colourful circles and rather few large hearts, about car size I would say, that are visible from our window. It takes a bit of a skill to draw a nicely formed heart of such proportions and together with all the colour it was such a pleasant thing to be greated with when we arrived home this evening. A happy touch. It went on the shelf of things to remember and keep to warm my own heart with, together with a great banana ice cream my husband made and time with my kids. Hearts really, all of it.

73. getting things done

Sometimes there are things that are for whatever reason not something I want to do or I fear doing it as it seems to complicated for example. But, usually, the best way to deal with it is to just get to it and do it, the best way I can, finding what can and cannot be done and how, but closing the deal. It brings the satisfaction on it´s own to have things done and it is less stressfull then fearing doing it. Today, I´ve done few such things and that brings a drop of peace and satisfaction and a thing or two crossed on the list.

72. basics

Every now and then I become aware how crucial very basic things are for my well-being. Those things that are otherwise something simply there and simply done, things such as sleep. Thing I become very easily aware of it´s importance every time I get too little of it and that fastly affects the rest of my day and life. 

At times we think how sleep takes away from our life and day, I´ve heard people speak of it, but it is really a part of life and love, of who we are and our ability to be that, able to think, to be nice, to be calm, to perform, to be happy, all of it does depend on a good night sleep, amongst other basic things that we otherwise do not consider as crucial in our everyday movements as they really are. So, tonight is to the basic things, to sleep, pleasant food, good company, fresh air, water, sun... Thank you.

71. smell of apples

I bought a softener that smells of apples and used it two days ago, so now my clothes smell of apples. When I was a child I used this hair shampoo that smelled of apples and since then it is a smell of comfort, hope and joy. So charming.

70. dishwashing

There are probably other things today that cought my attention and deserve my gratitude, but dishwashing was my mindful moment of a day, one around rather few other things fell into the place. I´ve mentioned that earlier, I believe, that when we focus in gratitude and mindfulness for a moment in a day, things start moving toward it and from it.

So, while washing pots and dishes, I enjoyed the warmth of the water, the simplicity yet significance of something dirty and smelly becoming clean and usable and simply clearing around and moving things from one side of the sink to the other that creates order out of a disorder. Taking to it and taking to it with an open and happy heart moved me further to accomplish other tasks in the day with the same attitude and it somewhat also rubbed off on the rest of the household members.

It should perhaps be added that I do like dishwashing as an activity, unless I am tired or overburdened, so it may be a good thing to start with something one has easier to surrender to when embarking on finding mindfulness and gratitude in everyday things, but either way, I am thankful for today´s moment with it.

69. reading

I do not know how many times I said it, or have I said it at all, but reading is one of the things I am eternally grateful for; my ability to read, avaliability of books and stories and wisdom and touches and turns and beauty of creation, expressions, expansions, it truly is a glorious thing. And it is all, if at times and but little, alike us watching any corner of the creation; walk of a wind through the grass and a hand of the sun softly landing at a flower, perhaps not seen by many, yet not for a  moment of it less important or less beautiful or less in touch with that what greats it and toward that which it grows, for whom, in whom and towards whom.

68. storm

This morning rain came stormy, I could hear it hitting just outside the window and trees danced whildly. I love a good stormy rain, I´ve probably said that before. Movements of water, sound of it make me feel calm and soothed, they somehow move my inner mechanism to some inner state of purifying thoughts, prayer, comfort... And I find today it coresponds all so well with my need of closing in, cocooning really, turning inward, being somewhat still to reach into new creations, prepare for some changes they may come or need be done. My gratitude today is toward rain, water, wind, moment of pose and separation from the world and  whatever else the day brought, words, thoughts, calm and seed of new movements. Thank you.

67. vulnerability

I came to understand today that what has been bothering me last days can closest be described as vulnerability. I feel as if my skin was made of my heart, I supose, and as if my brain is burning in fire of events, perhaps very small and insignificant that are somehow finding it´s way to build meanings of large proportions, significance too big to ignore and yet unclear how to take. All of it makes me feel vulnerable to both myself and the world.

At times it is easier to remain ignorant, or turn the back to change and movement, easier to still the movements of the heart and discoveries of mind, make them silent, put them to sleep. But, at times we simply turn to a big sensor and get overwhelmed by input received. Perhaps it is the second that I am presented with. A state one can both rejoice over and fear. So, in waiting to find out how all things will turn, I move into  a moment of simple prayer and remain with this vulnerability, trying to hear it, remain with it, yet not be taken by it. For that vulnerability and what it brings and to what it may turn me if handled rightly, for that I am grateful tonight.

66. spectacular sunset

I´ve been sitting here reading while my son sings (Who can sale without wind, song that always, always makes me think of my friend Mohini) when I lifted my head and was taken by a view in front of me.

 There are trees, a forest of them in front of me and I see but tops of them. Half of them, the one further away from me is lit by this orange like light that makes trees shine in such a spectacular way. As the rain is approaching the sky is turning into that pale violet dress of not yet so heavy clouds and few seagulls come white into picture from time to time. Trees are calm, but one can sense the wind approaching.

And as the sun moves the light moves too, from the tree tops toward the sky still light and free from the clouds, colouring that sky pink. It will probably rain, but it is a spectacular moment, a beautiful sunset, a touch and a gift of a day very unexpected. I was just reading a blog of one singer and mother and her take on God and her affirmation of faith and childlike way of expressing happiness  over a beautiful morning moved me, so lifting the head to notice this beautiful sunset felt, if just a bit, like a smile of God and all Divine that is.

just a short break

I haven´t written anyting here for last two days, not because there is nothing to say but because I am temporarily out of words. They will come back, I believe, but I do not wish to force writing here into some dry squeeze. So, for my last two days and days to come, I shall thank for whatever is there and then move into a prayer that I may return to the flow, relax in it and listen to life.

64. Oprah

I guess in many ways whole day was filled with blessings and good touches or small accomplishments, but one thing I really liked was watching an interview with Oprah during the Jaipur literature festival. Rather many great things she said there, or things that resonated with me and inspired me. Particularly her talking of her connection with God and of how giving and sharing is partly why she feels enriched.

It is a bit how I cam over that interview. I posted a comment on her program Oprah in India and when someone asked where they could watch it I went googling to find out, whereupon I came over this interview. It really is sharing, firstly mine, then sharing of a question and then sharing of information out there on internet, and of course, Oprah´s sharing during the interview that made this moment of a day to be touched by and grateful for.

So, today is to Oprah, to God and to sharing, to giving and to acknowledments, gratitude. Thank you and good night, good world.

63. without a word

Today, I am not sure what my gratitude is for as I am comfused a bit how to take the day, so I will simply give gratitude for being, leaving rest without a word for now. Thank you.

62. work done

There is this happiness and satisfaction from work done and for all that led to it and of course for the fact that now everything that was suposed to be painted is painted, I am thankful.

On top of it, there was rather many things to be thankful for today, time with family, learning new things, listening to different lecturing and watching an interesting documentary and perhaps last but not least my own time in the evening song. Much done in different sectors of life in one day is not that usual, so that deserves and extra moment of gratitude. Thank you.

61. Anger

The strongest impact of this day was a feeling of anger, or perhaps closer to disaproval and disagreement. Now, anger does not sound at first as an feeling or action to be grateful for. But, being exposed to it, noticing it, observing it moves me further to think of why it appeared and how and what can I do about it. Which then opens the doors to see chambers inside me that are perhaps darkened or ignored and need a clear up, taking into consideration or opening for use.

I often stop myself before the anger (or disaproval or dislike) comes, thus I am grateful to learn to allow it fully into my presence and my awareness and with it be able to move into further insights of what I need, what the situation may need and asses if and how I can act from it. It is for that I am grateful and look forward learning further how to master my feelings of disaproval or disagreement so they are communicated rightly, toward myself and others, accepted and learned from, thus inspiring better movement forward.

So, today is to those feelings and birth of new things they create. Thank you.

60. unexpected turns

I was looking forward to some time with the song this evening but I did not expect it to happen the way it did. Indeed, I was looking at rather ordinary day when some pieces of the afternoon got rearanged. In it, I ended up agreeing to follow with my family for an hour to few of my husbands teacher friends where we landed some time after 7 in the evening and ended up in what was called a music room, with all kinds of instruments around. My son got quite quick with the drum set and the host pulled out sack-pipes and started to play a great Scottish tune where my husband joined in with what was kind of an Indian drum. I´ve recorded a piece of it and must admit it sounded great and what with the unexpected factor it had even a bit more of a -wow effect to it.

Another cool piece of gifting of the day was that outside in the courtyard where we were invited for a tea (but only tea as I fast from grains today) there was a beautiful and playful dog of which one of my son´s felt slightly fearfull. But then, when we were about to leave, dog approached us with a ball in his jaws and placed it politely in front of my son, who picked it up and threw it away and when the dog came back, again politely placing it and seeing it got near to my son, my son was suddenly touched and transformed and freed from the fear. What a kind and thoughtful soul that dog was and so inspiring in his ways.

At times, when things change and plans move around, even if something we looked forward to is taken away from us, if we stay with the movement and the day, something else will come by, that needed to be so that very day and when right time for things we looked toward arrives, they too will come to us, if meant. So, today is to the unexpected things and turns, to surprises, to small silver linings in a day, to music and laughter and a sunny evening by the lake. Thank you.

59. Details

Repainting a room, as everyone knows, means there is a preparing work, with all those small details after moving everything out and finding it temporary home (and getting overwhelmed by all things we accumulate by time). It means screwing down shelfs, lamps, contacts, curtain hangers, taping edges, sanding rough edges, covering holes... That is what much of my day was about. Details, at times fun, at times boring, things we completely forget are there making the part of our surroundings, making us able to put away a book or turn on the light, accumulate dust, all those small details. For a moment of awarness of their presence and their importance and usefulness, I am thankful.

Also, for colours, for new and clean wall, for moving things, if even slowly, forward and into a change, cleaner, fresher, if even for awhile, for a tomorrow.

58. remake

Chaos, mess, overload, dirt, all this things can be dealt with, remade in some way. Both inward and outward an at times one affects the other. Today was much about dealing with it in both ways. So, I´ve started clearing out one of the rooms, the one that requires new lick of paint and some redecorating, which solves sum of the mess outside and around me, but also seems to have, hopefully, beneficial effects on my inner world. And not only Feng Shui way, although, of course, that too counts.

I´ll add to my acknowledgments of the day a great walk with my kids, as their laughter and sun´s pleasant smile reflected in the flowers, do have healing rays. And a fruit as much as a homemade icecream that awaited after it, together with tiredness after a day of good work. A day that is still chaotic and with lots of things around and out of the place but with gift of creativity, planning and promise of an inspiring and exciting tomorrow.

57. Hugs

Even if these were kind of goodby hugs, there was still a promise of a tomorrow. It was the end of school season day for my children today and of course there were many hugs around. Smell of flowers and grass and summery songs.

Even I got two comforting hugs, one from my older´s teacher, he who will next year become a teacher of my younger one (thus it is realy not a goodby) and another one by a lady I now know for over ten years, since my husband started working in that school, who was having her last working day today as I discovered when going to find her. Neither she is however someone that I will not see again, so hugs were despite goodbys also simply - hugs. Moments of comfort, of saying I appreaciate you, I thank you, I wish you well and come with no bad intentions, a touch.

So, today is to the hugs, good hugs we appreaciate that make us feel calm and happy and looking forward toward another day. Thank you.

56. invisible things

I have been bothered by something last few days, but I do not really know what. It has partly kept me sleeping little and badly, partly having uneasy, vivid and odd dreams. Which made me also tired and off the daily run. So, while there are certainly things, small and big to be grateful for in today, I think that I need to acknowledge this particular feeling of mine, adress it and hope that I will somehow move from this subconscious, invisible sensing to more conscious understanding of whatever is there so I may be able to give it attention and whatever else it may need from me.

So, today, I am grateful for invisible things inside and around us, particularly for the understanding of their presence and need to give them time, attention, understanding, kindness and, I guess, love. Thank you.

55. Sunday

Days that feel ordinary and give moments of leisure, drive, reading, watching something, learning something, spending time with the family, resting, taking a look at the nature and the sun, simply being in ordinary moments of life, without something particular of a goal in it more then being. I am grateful for such days, moments of pose, reacharging, rest, moments when life does not have to be anything in particular, where all expectations and demands can feel ok but not overpowering. To such days and many more, I give thanks.

54. children, again

To children, for their inquisitivness, openess, readiness to be themselves and speak and share their minds and hearts, willingness to explore, to listen, happiness with small things, ability to play, desire to learn, ability to say no and expect to be understood on it without feeling hurt for it and ability to talk things through... And for much more. For their presence and their joy (as well as tears) and their wonder and appreaciation. For them so kindly giving of their association. For being such wonderful teachers. Thank you.

53. Presence

The most prominent thing in this day was a headache, so, although I cannot come up with some good insight to it, my first moment of gratitude goes to headache, for whatever purpose it has and whatever I may have done or not done because of it. So, thank you.

Then, my gratitude goes to few pleasant surprises, to joy that heart can experience despite headaches or troubles, joy caused by lovingly executed heart song, listening of which brought peace. And gratitude is there for people, dear and wonderful people that simply exist around me and knowledge of their presence and touch of their life make me feel peaceful and calm and happy and above all greatful and inspired, as if touched really by the hand of a Divine. So, thank you.

And, good night, good world.

52. laughter

There are times and days when I get taken by seriousness of life and existance and when I need to lighten up a bit. At times consciously, at times unconsciously, but I somehow menage to get to one of the cures and ways for moving away from getting overly serious to the point of being anxious. The simple way for it is - laughter.

Today I ended up laughing few times and with every moment I felt closer to simple happiness, to lightening and even better insights to things at hand. So, today, I am grateful for laughter and people and things that make me happier and more sobre in that way. And I pray that laughter may always be sent my way, especially when I need it, and that I may hear it. Thank you.

51. soap bubbles

Today I am grateful for soap bubbles, sunshine, herbal tea and a whisper of a story. Soap bubbles! Who has not been taken by their simple beauty, by their spheric body shining in small rainbows, a ball of colours?! Everyone of us carries a child inside that loves balls and rainbows, simple expressions of beauty, love and joy. I walked today into a space of soap bubbles, created by a girl outside my door and as one of them seemed to chase me and another one came toward me, I could not but smile. However temporary a symbol it may be, it is also a sign that can so easily be describing a soul, free, flying, light, beautiful, delicate, perfect in form, shiny, transparent and filled with colours and bursting in joy, reflecting sunrays and bading in them. So, above all, today I am grateful for soap bubbles. And grateful to this little girl for creating them.

50. Old friends

Today an old friend rung at the door, one I haven´t seen for awhile as he moved to the neighbouring country some time ago. He was a friend who returned the kindness when I really needed it in my life in the past and for that I am forever grateful to him and always happy to hear of his progress and given a chance to wish him well.

Another friend rung on the phone, the one that lost her mother recently and I was grateful to be of use to be spoken to and offer, if even a virtual, shoulder to cry and few words of comfort. And happy and thankful to hear of good things turning, if but slowly, on her life path.

To these more deep gifts of the day I add the sun and the downpour of the rain and an extra free room in the laundry area so I could wash more then counted on. And music my son produced while I wrote and worked today. Few pictures taken in the rain and smell of the herbs on my balcony. Small things that moved my heart in a good way by their touches and presence. Thank you. Good night, good world.

49. silence

48. feared

And then there are days when I wish I simply did not wake up or walked out of the door. Days like today. But I still did it, because it had to be done. Days that are remembered as one of the worst days in a year, or even life. Yet I walked through them. So, here it is to the difficult days, to the days that bring out shadows and deamons living inside me, days that present me with the feared and left me alive to live with it. Here is to days that I am left with guilt, with confusion, with uncertanity and with the knowledge that some things are forever taken away and that roads will never be the same no matter how we wish them to. To the days when I am left aware of my aloness and forced to deal with it. I give gratitude to it, to such this day. And I surrender to it.